Musicalgurl4ever's Blog

When you are unable to sleep your mind begins to wonder….

musicalgurl4ever — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 04:57:41 +0000

Okay so once again I had a blog hiatus for several months…..which I really shouldn’t have, but I did so yeah….until July I will do my best to post when I feel it is necessary or relevent. In July I am going to Italy for a study abroad program, so I will have a separate blog for that as part of my class requirement and so that my family and friends can be updated on my European adventures. This is the website http://cominghometoitaly.blogspot.com/, if whoever reads this cares.

Anyway, a quick update. I did extremely well last semester, FINALLY made Dean’s list in a normal semester (3.65 in a semester with 18 credits, I worked around 20 hours a week, and I am in two greek organizations with a 3.6 cummulative, pretty proud of myself.) I came home to Charlottesville where I am currently taking a summer class at UVA on the history of China while I work part-time at the Eddie Bauer at Fashion Square Mall. The class ends June 10th and all that stands between me and Italy is a paper, a final, and a few weeks!

Okay, now that the update is over I can actually blog about why I can’t sleep. I was sitting in bed thinking about what I want to accomplish and who I want to be. I’ve made a lot of progress in not only realizing my faults, such as anger, and not always making time for myself, but I’ve made a lot of improvement on changing these fault, but I still have a lot to learn. Lying in bed I realized one of my biggest faults is my own insecurity, I am always afraid of what others think and how others judge me. That’s why I don’t like letting people hear me sing, especially when I am practicing. Which I know doesn’t make sense because I love to sing, but I think sometime between high school and college I realized that I was one of many who loved to sing and so many people are better than I am, that I felt and still feel I can’t compete with them. I don’t know how, but I HAVE to let this go, I HAVE to stop being afraid. Nothing is worse than giving up before you have even tried. I’m afraid of rejection, especially from those I love. I know I am not “special” and that I am not the only person with these issues, but damn it I’ve worked hard to overcome some of the shadows of my past this past semester and I will not stop trying to overcome them. I have to figure out how to let go…..everyone cares what other people think to some degree, so I just need to learn how to not care so much. There will always be someone who sings better than I do and someone who sings worse, it doesn’t mean I should hide my voice and give up what I love out of fear. I think I can go to sleep now…..I have a feeling coffee is going to be my friend tomorrow considering I am getting up in about 5 hours. These are the thoughts of a girl, a woman, who is trying to find her voice and her place in this ever-changing world, take them however you chose.

My thoughts wonder down a stream

musicalgurl4ever — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 03:46:22 +0000

Surprise! Haven’t posted in about four months, because fall semester kicked my ass (eh well not too much if my grades are proof). Like I said before I did succeed and I did fail last semester, but as Professor Maiello said to me “Fail once, try again and fail better.” Yep SSIII will be back on my schedule this spring semester but there are worse things that could happen, so I am counting my blessings. I have really been spending a lot of time recently trying to figure myself out…..as weird as that sounds. I want to know why I am the way I am. Why do I have a short temper, why am I oblivious to a lot of things…..do I block them out because I don’t care, or because I honestly don’t see them? These are things I don’t know the answer to, but I am going to find out. I’ve been trying to just make myself a better person. No one is perfect, and I know I have flaws, but I am trying to be…..proactive (no pun intended) about fixing them. Maybe then I’ll be happier, I don’t know. Life is full of uncertainty and I guess I better get use to it. These are my thoughts for the evening….I little bit whiney and depressing I suppose, but I guess you can take them or leave them. Come on Spring semester, what to do you have to teach me this year? Whatever it is I’m ready.

Summertime and the livings easy

musicalgurl4ever — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 16:17:16 +0000

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything, and the only real excuse, if you want to call it that, is that I was busy. This summer is almost over and even though there were moments that made it seem as though it would never end I can honestly say over all, that it flew by(no surprise in all honesty). Summer school held 4 classes for me; Environmental Science 110 and 111 along with Education 301 (Educating a Diverse Population) and History 329 (History of the Soviet Union). I learned a lot in each class, but more about myself and my learning habits then about the given subjects. For example, many debate that writing notes is better then typing for remembering the facts given. For me, as long I as I am honestly listening to what the professor is saying I can quickly recall either way. This can be seen as a small insignificant fact, but for me personally to was important to learn this about myself. Outside of going to school I worked at the AFC and the RAC on campus, and as boring as my job can be sometimes, it did provide with the time to study so that when I was not in class or at work I could relax or go home to Charlottesville without worrying about not getting my assignments done. For the most part my summer was uneventful with joyous moments of visiting my friends around Mason; Betsy, Jessica, Beth, Adrian, and of course Sean. My highlight of the summer is traveling in August. I am currently on my way back to Virginia from San Diego with Sean. We spent a few days visiting his grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin. While I was there I also got to visit a friend of my own, Ted Foster. He was gracious enough to drive Sean and I around an afternoon showing us the high school he works at and taking us to lunch. California is beautiful and I could live there one day, but no matter where I go or where I end up in life I will always be a small town southern girl. I am always thinking about my family and keeping my small town values close to my heart.

All that’s left of my summer is visiting family, and relaxing until I move back to Mason on the 28^th. I am ready for the fall semester. I know it will be difficult, but it will also be rewarding. I will struggle, I will fail and I will succeed, at what is yet to be seen. Each semester I learn more about myself and what I want out of life and that I do not have to have all the answers once I graduate. A great example is the book Eat, Pray, Love. Which follows the life of the author who after a terrible divorce takes a year off to travel the world, to find herself and her spirituality. Sean’s Aunt Anne give me her copy and I am still reading it, and it is a great reminder that if someone in their 30s doesn’t have all the answers to their life, why, at 20 or even 23(when I graduate) have all the answers? I simple reminder everything in life happens for a reason and has a purpose. Whether or not you believe this divinely inspired is your own personal belief. As one friend once told me “Self discovery is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I am going to try” and I feel that is a great way to describe what college is to me, and she’s right! Its hard and sometimes I cry throwing my hands up in the air wanting to give up and just walk away from it all, but there is always a small part of me and says “ You can’t give up, because this is hard for a reason. You like a challenge and you will learn something from this experience.” I just have to remind myself and keep an open mind no matter what, so bring it on Junior year!!!

Spring Break

musicalgurl4ever — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 23:08:06 +0000

Things have flown by so fast this semester! A couple snow storms have messed up the semester calendar, but it just means that we’ve lost a few reading days and that exams have been shortened. Voice is going well and cheering is almost over, all thats left is the Women’s CAA tournament, a clinic and a few practices. Piano has fallen behind because of the snow, but I am doing my best to catch up and learn as much as possible. I love my classes this semester dispite the work load, but my hard work has been paying off. I got a 90 on my first MHS test and I have gotten 102′s on my listening qiuzzes, so as long as I do well on this paper coming up and keep studying the way I have I should do well in the class. Before Spring Break I went on a roadtrip with my mother, Gangee, and Grandaddy to Alabama to vist my uncle Ernie and my cousins Kevin and David. I hadn’t seen them since my senior year of high school so it was amazing to see them again. My cousins have grown so much since I last saw them! I love my family so much, so visiting them is important to me.

It is now Spring Break and I started my Spring Break by competing at NATS, a vocal competition. I drove down with Natalie late Thursday evening and we stayed at my uncle Mark’s house which was nice because it meant we could take our time getting ready on Friday. I didn’t stay to see the standings, because I didn’t compete to win,but to just get the experiance of competing. Friday, and Saturday was all about the CAA tournament. Mason didn’t play until Saturday but Friday Sean, Jake, Brian and I watched some of the Friday games and then I relaxed with Kelly, Megan, Cindy, and John at the hotel while Jake, Brian, and Sean went to Penny Lane. Saturday was all about Mason. We geared up for the game(I wore face paint!) and were ready to just support our awesome team. We dominated all of the game except for the last 4 minutes…..which cost us the game. Luckily though VCU lost the next day! Depsite our loss we all decided to have fun anyway. Saturday was awesome and when Sunday rolled around we all just relaxed and went to the Richmond zoo and then I came home. Now I am preparing for my mom’s knee replacement surgury on Wednesday so the rest of the Spring Break I will be helpng take care of her and help her recover from this much needed surgery. Off I go now to take my mom out and spend an evening with my parents =).

A new beginning

musicalgurl4ever — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:16:21 +0000

Well winter break has come and gone it is off to a bright and busy new semester. First week of classes has come and gone, things are looking up. I have my first voice lesson tomorrow and I pretty excited about the things I will learn this semester and hopefully I will hear my voice grow more this semester. I know its been a long time since I posted and a lot has happened, so I will do a quick catch up since Christmas.

Sean and I did successful get to and from Boston after Christmas. We took the train from DC all the way up, it was a nine hour train ride, which was comfy and warm unlike the weather outside. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones concert was pretty awesome. The only downside was the second opening act was a local hardcore punk band who got the crowd really pumped up but people were being violent crowd surfers, the girl in front of me suffered a concussion from a stealtoed boot, I just ducked and held on for the rest of the concert. Our sight seeing day it rained/snowed all day which kind of put a damper on things because I wanted to walk the freedom trail. We still went to some shops and things so the day did have a good ending. The day we left it was 6 degrees outside because of the wind, let me say this….I AM SO GLAD WE LEFT WHEN IT GOT FREEZING! The train ride was nice and warm far away from the freezing weather.

After that trip I just spent time trying to get ready for the semester and get a job, preferably on campus, and I did. I now work at the RAC at equiment checkout. Only twice a week but thats okay its a job and I wasn’t being picky. I would say more but its getting late and I have to get up early for my voice lesson and then class. I can’t believe it is almost February already……the end of the semester will be here before I know it. Here’s to hoping its an awesome one! <3

Merry Christmas <3

musicalgurl4ever — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 04:42:17 +0000

The fall semester is over and my lowest grade was a C+ which I was really upset about for a lot of different reasons but I won’t go into it , because there is nothing I can do about it except just move on and take it for what it is. So far in college I hold a 3.45 GPA which I am proud of, but I know I can do better, so here is to trying harder and studying more to learn as much as I can while I am at Mason. In my English 302 class one of my professor’s last comments was very encouraging to me. He said “You’re a good writer, and you’ve been a very good student. Keep writing! Keep exploring! And good luck.” From reading my blog you would probably disagree, because of my many grammatical and spelling mistakes. I agree, I do have grammatical issues and my typing skills are not the best, but part of the reason I write a blog is to try to improve my writing and really expand my writing ability. I will keep my professor’s words to heart and just keep reaching for what is just out of my reach at the moment.

I am glad I get a chance to relax for a few days before I go back into practice/work mode to prepare for the spring semester. I am currently at home curled up in my bed surrounded by a mess of bags, ripped wrapping paper, tape, bows, and labels. The remenants of a women obsessively wrapping as many presents as she could before Christmas Eve comes to a close. As I was wrapping presents sitting in my sister’s old room, now my room, I began to really miss her. Before I knew it I was crying. This will be my first Christmas without her, twenty years together and now she has moved out to live her life. If you know my sister or have met her she is the almost complete opposite of me in looks and personality. You can imagine the fights we had growing up but whenever I needed her she was there being the protective big sister. I am proud of her and proud to call her my big sister. You don’t know what you have until its gone and even though its a cheesy saying its true and tomorrow I will wake up and celebrate Christmas for the first time without her here to smile and laugh at me and with me. I will say I am glad she is happy and so happy to see her smile and have joy in her life, she deserves it.

As Christmas creeps closer and closer I am filled with gratitude and thanks for everything and everyone in my life. My amazing family who have always been there for me and my friends. I wouldn’t be who I am today without them. I hold all of my friends close to my heart and think about them everyday. It doesn’t matter to me how far away they are….Wiscounsin, Texas, Pennsylvania, Japan their faces and smiles are sketched into my heart and my memory, times of sorrow and times of happiness, each one is important and helped me become who I am today. I also thought about Sean as I was wrapping presents as well because not only are we taking our first big trip together to Boston, the day after christmas, but we have been together for over six months. I don’t know how I was so lucky to find him, but I am so thankful for everything I have learned from him and the time we have spent together. He means the world to me and I look forward to a future of creating memories together and learning more from one another.

As 2009 is coming to a close I think to myself about how rough the year started and beautiful it has turned out in the end. I have learned so much this year and I look forward to 2010 and all the new things I will learn and see. I think about my sister Brandy and my little nephew Austyn who will be one in January, how time has flown and how he has grown. I love them both so much and I hope to be there to help him grow and learn through his happy times and sad ones as any good aunt would do. This has become quite a reflective and kind of corny thoughtful post, but oh well it is what is on my mind. Merry Christmas everyone! Cherish those you love and hold onto them as long as you can, because you never know what the new year will bring.

Thinking about you Mr. and Mrs. Hair and praying for Ben may he rest in peace always <3 you will see him again day I know it.

♫ Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum

bum bum bum bum bum

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum

This is my winter song to you

the storm is coming soon

It rolls in from the sea

My voice, a beacon in the night

My words will be your light

to carry you to me

Is love alive?

Is love…

They say things just cannot grow

beneaththe winter snow

Or so I have been told

They say we’re barried far

Just like a distant star

I can nott hold

Is love alaive?

Is love alive?

This is my winter song

December never felt so wrong

‘Cause you’re not where you belong

Inside my arms

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum

bum bum bum bum bum

bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days

The seasons always change

And life will find a way

I’ll be your harvester of light

And send it out tonight

So we can start again

Is love alive?

This is my winter song

December never felt so wrong

Cause your not where you belong

Inside my arms

This si my winter song to you

The storm is coming soon

It rolls in from the sea

My love, a beacon in the night

My words will be your light

To carry you to me

Is love alive?(x16)♫

Winter Song by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson

A Wondering Mind

musicalgurl4ever — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:48:43 +0000

I am currently sitting on a bus on my way back to Fairfax from Homestead Virginia. The George Mason University Chorale was asked to perform at this year’s VMEA (Virginia Music Educators Association) convention, which is considered an honor says Dr. Billingham. I have never been to VMEA, but I have decided I do want to go next year to look into all the material and options it has (also lots of free samples!). Of course this means I need to join CMENC, since they arrange the trip every year. Our performance went well even though I almost fell off the back of the raisers, Christine luckily saw my hand reaching out and prevented me from falling back in the middle of our song Celebrate.

I unfortunately missed the cheerleading sleepover last night because I was on this trip, but I hope the girls had fun regardless. Sitting on the bus for a couple hours has my thoughts wonder to many things in my life and in the world in general, so this post might turn into a philosophical one, but its whatever so yeah.

Despite some of the weak moments I had in the beginning of the semester when I was not sure of anything from my direction in life to how I was going to survive it all I feel I have learned a lot about myself this semester, probably more so then last semester when I felt everything crumble around me. I seem to amaze myself from time to time. I am stronger then I thought, but at the same time I am still vulnerable in many ways, and I don’t think I will ever be rid of it or if I every truly want to be. I have so much compassion and caring for people that even though I am told from time to time that I care too much I don’t really believe there is such a thing. I feel humans in general care too little. We are so concerned about our own and ourselves that we forget to show compassion toward those the need it and when they need it the most. I want to make a difference not just pass through this life selfishly gaining for myself. I’m only twenty but I feel you can make a difference even if its one person at a time. One event or meeting one person can drastically change someone’s life so why not work towards making it for the better? I am so thankful for my life and everyone it that I know some are not as lucky as me. I just hope that this holiday season is better then last year and that I do not feel the emptiness that I felt as I was visiting the family that I grew up with. Here is to surviving the end of this semester and having the courage to survive Sean graduating and possibly going far away.

musicalgurl4ever — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:48:07 +0000

Loving Life <3

musicalgurl4ever — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:45:44 +0000

I haven’t updated since shortly after my birthday, mainly because I’ve been running around trying to get my life in order and accomplish things. Since my last post I have figured out my health issues and now I am on track with things looking better all the time. Midnight Madness was on the 16th, and let me just say its things like Madness, that make me love Mason so much, and love being a cheerleader. We rocked the Thriller dance and our routine was awesome! It’s on facebook and youtube, so check it out if you haven’t seen it. Both of my parents came (which I was extremely happy about) and of course Sean was there decked out in face paint as usual. That weekend Sean and I were able to have some real quality time together, which is rare these days. We see each other here and there between classes when we can, and make it work. Saturday night we saw Wayne Brady live at Mason and it was so much fun and everyone spent the entire hour and half laughing at his improv.

I declared my second major and I’ve done the math and looked ahead, and if I take about 15-16 credits a semester I will graduate in 2013. Which was the original plan, so here is to hoping I stick to it.Midterms are mostly over and so classes and coming and going day by day. I finished my massive English paper today that was my midterm for the class so all I have left is my Sight Singing test and my PMI midterm, then I will just be looking ahead to winter break.

All-girl starts taping in about two weeks, which I am excited for and hope we can get everything done the first time around. Basketball season is coming up fast with the exhibition game on Nov 5th. I am excited that this year All-girl will route men’s games so I can play in pep band more this basketball season =).

I will just say one more thing. I am so thankful for my life and the road that I am on. I don’t really know where I am going and where exactly I’ll end up, but that’s okay with me. I have an amazing family, friends and a man who truly loves me. I can’t believe Sean and I have been together for almost 5 months. I would have never predicted this when we became friends almost 8 months ago. It just goes to show you, that life is unpredictable and good things do come around when you don’t expect them. I am off to bed since I am getting up at 8:45. Keep moving forward, keep smiling, and above all keep loving <3

Two decades old!!!!

musicalgurl4ever — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 23:37:46 +0000

It’s almost been a month since my last post, because of my hectic and busy schedule. Since my last post I had my first Sight Singing Test of the semester got an A, so yippee! Also got my first paper of the semester back and got a B, which is also nice! Still working my butt off in Keyboarding III, and class Strings(Mr. T goes so fast in that class).

Cheerleading is going well, with the teams beginning to work on Midnight Madness which is having a Thriller/Michael Jackson theme…..no surprise there. Our routine is pretty awesome, not gonna lie =). Everyone is getting along well, which was not the case last year. All-girl added three new girls to the team, and they are quite now, but seem very nice. Co-ed will start taping for Nationals next week and All-Girl will start taping in November.

Outside of school and cheer I’ve been dealing with an illness, but hopefully after this Monday things will be straightened out and I will be on the path to being the healthy girl I once was. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not nervous about what the doctor could say it is, but I am keeping myself as positive and hopeful as possible. Here is to being hopeful and smiling regardless!

Yesterday was my 20th birthday! I am no longer a teenager! It was an awesome birthday to start with Sean and I watching Aladdin with Caroline, and my apartment/room mate Hameedat. Sean gave me earrings for my birthday and an amazing wonderful card. I decided to dress up for my birthday and things where looking bright. Then I went to Sight Singing and got my Ear Training test back, and I failed. I cried, because I have been working hard on my Ear Training all summer and this semester, but its still not enough. I’m improving, but not fast enough. I calmed myself down by remembering it is only the first test and I am not failing the class, so I just need to work harder and spend even more time with intervals in Ear Training. After Lab Band was over Sean picked me up and we went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. The food was amazing and when I got my cheesecake dessert they took chocolate sauce and wrote Happy Birthday to Jessica around the plate. they put whip cream and a candle on my plate then I got the traditional Happy Birthday sung by the wait staff.

After dinner Sean and I went to Diary Queen so I could by myself my ice cream birthday cake. The guy who served us was very nice and gave me a free ice cream cone as well as but extra chocolate sauce on my cake just because it was my birthday. When Sean and I got back to the apartment Talisha’s surprise party was winding down and she was getting ready for her sleepover. Caroline, Talisha, and Jessica got me a disney princess coloring book and crayons! It was an awesome gift and I’ve already started coloring it =)! Natalie and Emma came over too and we celebrated my birthday by watching Aladdin again(Emma had never seen it), but some odd reason the TAP people decided to have a fire drill, so we all had to walk out in the ran while they yelled at us to move. I ran into Betsy then and invited her to come to my little birthday bash. My friend Ryan stopped by as well, ice cream cake was delicious and good times were had. Over all I had a wonderful birthday and can’t thank everyone enough for being amazing friends and celebrating my birthday with me! Well I am off to do a little more homework before I pack up my stuff to go home for the weekend. Have a fabulous weekend!!!! =) <3